In the rush of bureaucracy and things to do that a death creates grief can get pushed into the background. But it will always come back, months or even years after a death.

It is important to recognise that grief is a natural process, that it is supposed to happen, and that you are not alone in feeling the way you do. Talking about your grief—and about the loss of the person that caused it—is not something to be frowned upon, but an essential part of dealing with it. You may wish to talk to family and friends—people who, like you, knew the person who has died. You might also want to talk to a counsellor—someone who stands apart from the rest of your life.

Your parish priest is very often someone who stands between those two roles. However well or little you know him or her, part of your parish priest’s job consists of helping acts to aid the healing, sustaining, guiding and reconciling of troubled people. In particular, a few months after a death, when it seems like everyone else is getting their lives back to normal, can be a good time to spend some time talking to someone about your grief.

When we are bereaved we may find it difficult to pray, yet it is at times like these when prayer can be our greatest support. Sometimes all we can do is spend some time in quietness trying to be close to God. If we can remember that God cares for us and loves us as we are, and that he carries our pain, that can be the best prayer of all. On this website there are resources for prayer and don’t forget that St John’s is open for private prayer every week day.

We may well be grieving during other traumatic events in our lives and this can compound our difficulties. We also have some advice for coping with trauma.

The websites listed below have more information and resources to help us live with bereavement:

• Cruse Bereavement Care  is a very good organisation that can help people who are bereaved.
• Young Minds helps children and has resources on bereavement.
  
• The WAY Foundation  supports those who are widowed young. 
• Babyloss supports those who have lost a baby during pregnancy, at birth, or shortly afterwards.
• See also The Samaritans.

Severe grief can be debilitating and dangerous. If you have any concerns for yourself or someone else please seek medical advice.